Learning to be Generous

Have you noticed that when you are stingy, you end up feeling kind of bad? 

But when you share, you experience a delicious sense of grandness? The joy that comes from really connecting with another person ... if not the very universe itself?

I started out a generous kid, freely sharing my "stuff" with others. But by the sixth grade, I'd formed a hardened shell, the result of being taken advantage of one too many times by kids who labeled me an easy mark.

My "I gotta keep what's mine" philosophy stayed with me a long time. So breaking free of that prison, when I eventually decided to do so, took a very long time as well. Change is never easy. In fact, I'd say I've only become a truly generous person in the last five years. 

The motivation to do so came about from watching my little sister, Dona. She's the kind of person who typically grabs the check when she's lunching with someone. And she tips REALLY well. But that's just the small stuff. I once saw Dona buy a couch for someone simply because the person needed one. A couch, people! 

And one time I visited her, Dona marched me into the mall and bought me a pair of $80 jeans. Because she knew I wanted them, but would never fork over that much cash for denim. 

I was floored by her generosity. But then I began to feel really shallow. And evil. Because I didn't have the same desire to gift her back. 

Still, Dona affected change in me: I began to literally ache within my soul to be as free with my stuff as she was with hers. The problem was, in the back of my mind I was always tallying up how much things cost -- and whether my expenditure on another person was "worth" it.

Pretty selfish, huh?

But I'm here to testify that we (you and I) can change, especially with God's help. 

It was hard in the beginning, but I forced myself to buy one person I knew something each week. It didn't have to cost a lot. That wasn't the point. The point was that I was training myself to give away that which I was most tightly holding on to. This became easier when I realized that everything I have is because of God's generosity. And that He expects me to use what He gives me to make the world a better place.

I still have a long way to go in regards to generosity. I'm still not moved every time to give after reading a sob story in the paper. Or even to give to every panhandler I pass in downtown Buffalo. But I did loan a complete stranger $50, on the promise that she return the money a couple of hours later, after she had time to get to a bank. SHE DID!!

I wasn't sure she'd come through. But if she didn't, I had already decided she was a wise investment. A deposit in the Bank of Generosity. 

Truth be told, there's one thing I've noticed about taking risks like that: when I give without expecting return, God rewards me big time. I think just to show me how big He really is.  ;-)